18July, please come slowly. In fact I don't want you to even exist. Don't. Like I said I don't want my boyfriend to go. I accompanied him to take his passport photo earlier on just now and I already got the hint that it is for his international game.

Well, I don't want to be a wicked to stop him in pursuing his dreams. I'm proud of him, yes I really do. But I really can't have him so far away from me. Can someone teach me how am I supposed to accept this fact? But, I'm still trying to learn what's reality really meant to me though.

I would admit that I've always been a bitch to you. ALWAYS. I love finding fault with you and even make you angry. Whenever you shouted at me, you know that I was still holding back my tears. Every time we had a tiff, I'm scared to look at you. I'm scared to hug you. Why? idk.

Sometimes because of this, I could think that I don't deserve a boyfriend. I never meant to start a war cause I don't want to hurt you, in all ways. You know, this frustration and fear inside me? Why it always feels like a war? When we don't even know what are we fighting for besides me being an egoist.

I'm sorry.